


A History of Lovers

by Gefionne



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Friends to Lovers, Lighthearted Summer Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 21:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17475374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gefionne/pseuds/Gefionne
Summary: Ben Solo and Poe Dameron grew up spending their summers together on Yavin IV, when Ben was free of his Jedi training. This summer, spent under the Force tree, their friendship blossoms into something more.





	A History of Lovers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gaylo_ben](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylo_ben/gifts).



> This story is dedicated to the fantastic gaylo-ben, who makes wonderful art for this pairing. :) Keep being awesome!

The distinct caustic smell of leaking oil clung to Poe’s hands and clothes long after he was finished working on his starfighter. Fuels cells were self-contained, but the moving parts of the X-wing still needed to be lubricated. Somehow they still used petroleum-based grease to keep it in order, and it reeked of barely refined crude.

A series of whistles and beeps had him bending his ear toward the little orange and white droid that hovered just under the starboard wing. Rolling out from under the fuselage on a backboard, he wiped an oil-stained hand under his nose and sniffed. At least he was used to the smell.

“What do you mean the equalizer is still off?” Poe asked the droid. “I spent all morning on that.”

BB-8 gave a sorrowful electronic apology, followed by specifications in Binary that were almost too fast for Poe to follow.

“Slow down, buddy,” Poe said. He sat up, setting both feet firmly on either side of the backboard to keep it from going anywhere. A rivulet of sweat rolled down the side of his face from his hairline, a mark of high summer in the jungle of Yavin IV, his homeworld. To BB-8 once more: “So, the energy flow is too great from the port thruster, eh? It has to compensate for the other one, though.” He patted the landing gear under the nose of the starfighter. “This old girl isn’t brand new anymore.”

In fact, the X-wing was a relic from the days of the Rebellion. It had been a gift to Poe from his father on his thirteenth birthday. Where he had dredged it up, he wouldn’t say, but it was precious to his son, who took the utmost care with it. Still, there were only so many repairs Poe could make before it finally gave up the ghost. It was hard enough to find replacement parts on Yavin.

BB-8 beeped back at him, insisting that the equalizers still needed calibration. Poe would do it, of course, but he probably couldn’t change much about it without compromising the overall performance. He couldn’t fly in open space anymore; the shield generators on the X-wing didn’t work and he was sure the body and wings couldn’t withstand the stress of re-entry through the atmosphere. He flew only suborbital these days.

“All right, buddy,” he said, “I’ll look at it tomorrow. For now, I’m beat.” He glanced down at his wrist chronometer. It was nearly 1500 hours, which had been Ben’s estimation of when he and Han would arrive planetside.

The excitement Poe knew always came with Ben Solo’s return to Yavin IV. The only son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, Ben had been a part of Poe’s life since he was very small. Shara Bey and Kes Dameron had fought in the Rebellion alongside Leia and Han, and while they had settled on separate planets after the war was over, they found time to meet each galactic standard year for a few weeks during Yavin’s summer.

Poe had been three years old when Ben was born and had been introduced to the baby, but his earliest memories of him were from some years later, when Ben was toddling around the Force tree Luke Skywalker had given Shara and Kes to plant by their home. Poe, then five, had been holding his hand to keep him from tripping over the roots at the base of the tree. He had stumbled anyway, but Poe had caught him and hugged him close. Ben had given him the winningest smile as he regained his balance, declaring in his two-year-old’s voice, “Danks, Puh.” Poe spent the rest of the summer that year teaching him how to properly say his name.

Ben’s visits became a fixture of Poe’s summertime adventures, which grew with them. They climbed the Force tree, gallivanted through the jungle to swing on low-hanging vines. They scuffed their knees and found hidden places to scamper away to when they had had enough of their parents. When Poe was finally allowed to fly on his own at twelve, he had taken Ben for a ride up and over the neighboring cities and then to the wilderness beyond. Ben was a quick learner and, with both his father’s guidance and some of Poe’s, became an equally skilled pilot. Han found an X-wing for him, too, to match Poe’s, and together they owned the Yavin skies as teenagers.

To some they might have seemed like brothers—if not for Ben’s paleness and his size compared to Poe’s duskier skin and smaller stature—but they had never played at it. They were friends: separate but each cherished by the other.

Tapping his chronometer now, Poe pulled up the most recent holo message Ben had sent him from the world where Luke Skywalker was training a new generation of Jedi. The holo flickered to life, displaying a young man with broad shoulders clothed in a brown roughspun tunic. Ben had grown out his dark hair since the last time Poe had seen him in person and it hung down his long neck. If he bothered to take better care of it, it would have been wavy, but he usually couldn’t be bothered, so it was lank. He was smiling broadly, baring his somewhat crooked front teeth and crinkling the corners of his brown eyes.

“Hey, Poe,” he said in his deep voice. “Been a couple of weeks since I messaged and I don’t have a lot of time right now, but I heard from my father; he’s coming to get me tomorrow for us to come to Yavin.” If it was possible, his smile widened. “I get to stay for four weeks this time—longer than last year. I hope your fighter is ready because I’m going to put you in your place this year, I promise.”

Poe shook his head, fond. “You’re dreaming, Benny Boy.”

Ben leveled a long, square-tipped finger at him through the holo. “Don’t make the face I _know_ you’re making right now. I’m as good a pilot as you. I may not be able to practice much here, but I never forget. You’ll see.” He glanced away from the holo recorder, calling, “Coming!” Back at Poe: “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you in two days around 1500 hours. That’s what Dad said, anyway. Bye, Poe.”

The message ended, Ben’s face disappearing from above the chronometer. Poe was tempted to play it again, but he had already watched it at least four times since he had gotten it. He usually did that with all of Ben’s messages, if just to hear him talk: about what was happening with his training, about some Jedi text he had found, about anything, really. Poe loved how his voice had deepened with age; it set a few unmentionable places to tingling when Poe heard it.

He sucked his teeth as he sat under the X-wing. It had started when Ben was around fifteen and really growing into his frame. Poe had started to notice the way he moved when they were swimming in the waterfall lake and imagine how his hands might feel wrapped around Poe’s. At first Poe didn’t pay much attention to it, but the next summer his interest was even keener.

Poe had figured out fairly young that he preferred kissing boys and had done his share of it by the time he was in his teens, but Ben had always just been Ben—until that summer, when one of their playful wrestling matches had ended with Poe pinned under him and firmly held. All the blood had dropped from Poe’s stomach to his groin as he saw with startling clarity that Ben wasn’t a boy anymore. He was becoming the kind of man Poe was drawn to, almost more so than any of his other lovers.

However, Poe had just pushed him away and masked his realization in laughter. He’d been doing exactly that for the past two summers: watching Ben’s allure grow with each year and yet refusing to even hint at his interest. With one too-meaningful touch, he could compromise their friendship. He didn’t want to lose Ben, even if it meant tamping down the fire Ben started in him just by entering a room.

BB-8’s delighted whistle announced that the _Millennium Falcon_ was landing on the other side of the hangar. Poe just managed to avoid striking his head against the wing of the fighter in his rush to get up and grab for a shirt to pull on over his grease- and sweat-stained tank top. He wiped the worst of the grease from his hands with a rag before running them through his hair to tousle it in the way he knew looked careless but attractive. Ben might not have cared much about his appearance, but Poe did, at least when Ben was the one about to be looking at him.

The _Falcon_ was an ancient wreck, but Han Solo loved it just a little less than he loved his son, Poe was pretty sure. Its engines were just spooling down when Poe jogged around to the landing pad to see it. The airlock opened with a hiss of decompressing air, the cold jets fogging around the loading ramp as it descended. Poe gave his hair a last brush, holding his breath as he waited.

Ben came down the ramp in long, purposeful strides, his brown leather boots tied up the front to his knees and tan trousers tucked into them. His shirt was long-sleeved—to hot for Yavin—and belted at his waist. The silver durasteel hilt of a lightsaber hung from the belt just at his right hip. Poe took a step toward him and Ben caught his eye. His smile was radiant.

“Poe!” he called, breaking into a trot and catching Poe a few paces away. He pulled him into a crushing hug, thumping his back. Poe did the same, his stomach tight with happiness.

“Hi, Ben,” he said when Ben had released him enough for him to speak. “It’s damn good to see you.”

“You, too,” Ben said, still holding tightly on to Poe’s forearms.

They looked each other over for changes, Ben surprisingly unabashed. He started at the scuffed toes of Poe’s boots and went up over his blue trousers and to the loose white shirt he wore. When he arrived back at Poe’s face, his color was high and he was still grinning. Poe smiled back at him. If he wasn’t mistaken, Ben was even broader than he had been last summer. And the long hair suited him.

Poe plucked a lock and tugged it. “I like this.”

“Yeah?” said Ben. “Luke doesn’t. He says it looks unkempt.”

“Well, you _could_ brush it,” Poe said.

Ben wrinkled his straight-bridged nose in annoyance. “Don’t you start nagging me, too.”

Poe laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “Okay, okay.”

“Poe Dameron,” called Han Solo from behind Ben. “Nice to see you, kid. You been working on your bird?”

“Yes, sir,” Poe replied. “Routine maintenance. Been keeping Ben’s up, too.” While he spent the most time on his own X-wing, he did make sure Ben’s was in good working order. He could have left it to the other techs around the hangar, but Ben had made him promise he would look after it himself. Poe had never let anyone else touch it.

“Stars, I can’t wait to get back in the cockpit,” Ben said, a little wistfully. He shot a more ornery glance at Han. “Dad wouldn’t let me fly on the way here.”

Han grumbled, “You’ve got too hard a hand for the _Falcon_. She needs a soft hold on the reins.”

Ben scoffed. “The usual excuses.”

“He’s not totally wrong,” said Poe. “You _do_ have a pretty hard and insistent way of flying. I’ve been telling you to relax on the yoke for years.”

“It works,” Ben said.

Poe inclined his head. “That’s true.”

“So, Poe,” said Han, “where’s your dad? I think I owe him a couple of drinks.”

“At home, probably,” Poe replied. “I’ll take you there.” He raised an eyebrow. “Though you know the way.”

Han laughed. “Sure do, kid. But come along. Kes’ll want to see Ben.”

The house wasn’t far from the hangar, both of which having been built after Poe’s parents had settled on Yavin IV. They lived on the outskirts of Benshi City, far enough away for peaceful nights spent in quiet but near enough to take a speeder in for the day. As Poe, Han, and Ben came around the side of a stand of jungle trees, the house came into sight. Single-story and with a thatched roof, it had only two bedrooms, a living room, and kitchen. Kes and Shara had never been ones for extravagance, and they had only planned on having one child.

Poe opened the front door, calling for his father as soon as he crossed the threshold. “Dad? You around? Ben and Han are here.”

Kes came out of the kitchen, his button-up shirt open to the middle of his chest. He had the same complexion as his son, but his goatee and the hair at his temples was shot with silver. A scar cut across in the inside of his forearm, bared by his rolled-up sleeve. He had gotten it on Endor during the battle there, when he had been serving during the Civil War.

“Han! Ben!” he said brightly. “Welcome! Come in, come in. Did you just get here?”

“We did,” said Han, thumbs hitched in his belt. “It was a smooth trip, but a long one. You have something wet?”

Kes chuckled. “Of course. Still like ale?”

“Absolutely.”

Poe’s father disappeared into the kitchen again, leaving the three of them in the living room. Han took a seat on the sofa as if he owned the place, but Ben hovered at Poe’s side.

“Should we leave them to catch up?” he asked.

Poe was more than happy to have Ben to himself. “Okay.” He called: “Dad, Ben and I are going for a walk. We’ll be back for dinner.”

“Long walk,” Han muttered, waggling his graying eyebrows. “You two have fun.”

Ben shot him a warning look, but turned on his heel and headed out of the house. Poe followed more sedately.

“He bugging you about something?” he asked when they got outside into the humidity again. The climate controls in the house were old but kept the place at a tolerable temperature.

“Just being a pain in the ass, like usual,” Ben replied, terse. “He’s been on my case about…” He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s nothing.”

Poe didn’t press; he knew better than the push Ben to talk. When he didn’t want to open up, it was no use trying to prod him into it. Better to just leave him be and see if he brought things up on his own later. They’d have four weeks together, after all. Poe smiled to himself just thinking of it.

“Where do you want to go?” he said.

Ben was already on his way to the Force tree, with its thick bluish-white bark and sprawling limbs. It grew faster than most trees on Yavin and stood out as non-native. Ben stopped at its side, laying a hand on the trunk. He closed his eyes and presumably felt the flow of the Force through it. Poe couldn’t tell the difference between it and any other tree, but he wasn’t sensitive to the Force. He had always wondered what Ben sensed from it.

Without a word, Ben grabbed onto the lowest limb and heaved himself onto it, crawling up and up until he got to a limb that dipped into a comfortable seat. Poe climbed up, too, choosing the branch below Ben’s, so that Ben’s boots hung down by his shoulders.

Ben sighed, leaning back against the tree. “I miss this place when I’m gone. It’s like I can actually breathe when I’m here. There’s no expectations, no Luke, no other apprentices. Just you.”

Poe looked up at him, though his eyes weren’t turned down to Poe. “You like training. In your messages, you always say it’s going well, that you’re learning a lot. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“It’s not that,” Ben said. “It’s just different here. You’re different than anyone else I know.” He nudged Poe’s back with the toe of his boot. “I wish I saw you more.”

Taking hold of Ben’s ankle, Poe tapped his fingers on the leather of his boot. “Me, too. But you’re here now. What’s been going on with you?”

“Just training. Luke’s been off-planet some to recover ancient Jedi holocrons, but he hasn’t taken me with him. He hasn’t taken anyone.” Ben was frowning deeply. “He’s left a lot of the training to the oldest of the apprentices. Those he found as adults.”

“I didn’t think there were many,” said Poe. “Maybe one or two.”

Ben said, “There are three and they’re not even the most advanced. They’re left in charge only because they’re older. I could outdo all of them if Luke didn’t hold me back.”

Poe hadn’t heard anything like that before. He asked, “What do you mean?”

“It’s like he’s punishing me,” Ben replied. “It’s still hard for me to calm my thoughts like he wants me to, but that’s nothing different. It’s been like that since I was little.” He sounded sour. “It comes naturally to some people, but not me. Luke won’t let me progress until I master the meditations.”

“That seems a little harsh,” Poe said. “Is it _that_ important?”

Ben bit his lower lip until it turned white. “It’s a key to knowing the Light Side. I have to do it.”

“Oh,” Poe murmured. “I understand. I think.” He glanced up Ben, brighter. “But you’re still the best with a lightsaber, aren’t you?” Bringing up Ben’s prowess with a blade never failed to please him. At least it had in the past; now, Ben’s expression darkened further.

“I’m not permitted to spar as much anymore,” he said. “Luke says it feeds my temper, which is a path to the Dark Side.”

Poe balked. Ben had never mentioned the Dark Side of the Force before, or anything he had done being a part of it. “But,” Poe started. However, he wasn’t sure what else to say.

“I’ll get it,” Ben said. “I have to or I won’t be able to master my powers. It’s my destiny to be a Jedi master. I _must_.”

“You will,” said Poe. “There’s no doubt about it. Right now, though, you can forget it all, if you want to. We’re going to fly and go into the city and get you a break. Sound good?”

Ben’s smile returned, even if it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, it does.” He tapped Poe’s shoulder, arm hanging down from the upper limb. “How are your friends? Jonik still getting into trouble and stealing all the girls?”

Poe laughed. “Of course he is. And Alta is still refusing to go to dinner with him.” She had eyes for Poe and had never made any secret of it, but he was clear about what he wanted, and it wasn’t her. “Do you want to see them while you’re here? They know you— _about_ you.”

Ben perked up. “You told them about me?”

“Yeah,” said Poe. “You thought I wouldn’t?”

“I don’t know,” Ben said. “I mean, I’m only here once a year and otherwise we just message. I didn’t think it was important.”

Poe shot him a look. “You’re my oldest friend, Ben. Of course I told them about you. They know I’m not coming to work at the shipyard while you’re visiting. But we could always meet them for a drink in the city. I’m sure they’d like to meet you.”

Ben’s cheeks were tinged pink. “Maybe.”

Poe didn’t tease him about being shy. Ben kept to himself and wasn’t quick to make friends. Poe wondered if that was part of what was wrong at the Jedi temple. He wanted to ask, but refrained. He could always bring it up again later. Instead, he changed the subject.

“So, do you want to see the mods I’ve put on my X-wing? I need to run some calibrations, if you’re interested in joining me.”

“Absolutely,” Ben said, sitting up and making to climb down from the tree.

Poe landed on the ground first, Ben coming down next to him. He stood a good six inches taller than Poe, forcing Poe to look up to meet his eyes. From around his wrist, he took an elastic band and tied his hair up into a tail at the top of his head. Some of the hair at the back of his neck still hung down along it. He was, if Poe dared use the word, _cute_.

“What?” he asked, head cocked to the side in a gesture that rendered him even more endearing.

“You, uh,” Poe said, “look really grown up these days. When did you get so big?”

Ben averted his eyes. “Is that bad?”

“No,” Poe assured him, laying a hand on his upper arm. “There’s not a bad thing about you. You’re just...something to see.”

Glancing at Poe’s hand where he touched him and then back at him, Ben seemed bewildered. Poe was a little ashamed of his awkwardness, which he had never been around Ben before. Unable to do anything else, he released him and cleared his throat.

“Let’s get over the hangar, huh?”

“Okay,” Ben said, visibly relaxing. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Long before the summer sun went down, Poe and Ben were called back to the house for dinner. Kes had made tamales stuffed with meat and rice, which was a fragrant crumble once they peeled away the leaves he had cooked them in. Han hadn’t left yet, but he was jovial and louder after a few ales. Kes was looser, too, glad to have his old friend around.

“Is Leia coming to see us while Ben is here?” he asked between bites of meat.

Han replied, “In the last week, I think, for a few days. She’s been busy in the Senate with some bill she’s pushing through. I honestly don’t know the details.”

“Shara was the one who followed politics,” Kes said, “so I don’t, either. We keep mostly to ourselves out here, don’t we, Poe?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty quiet these days,” Poe said.

“Well, if you’re looking for a little excitement, kid,” said Han, “you can always come with me on one of my jobs. I’ve got one in Wild Space coming up.”

Poe had used to imagine getting mixed up in Han’s business as a boy, but now he wasn’t so inclined to be a smuggler. What seemed great as a ten-year-old wasn’t quite as romantic anymore. “I don’t think so, but thanks for the offer.”

Kes smiled at his son. “That’s my sensible boy.” He corrected himself: “ _Man_. He’s twenty-one now. How old are you, Ben?”

“Seventeen,” Ben said.

“But turning eighteen in ten days, right, kid?” said Han, slapping him on the back.

“Of course!” said Kes. “We’ll have to celebrate. Throw a party.”

Ben looked down at his plate. “You don’t have to do that. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Sure it is,” Poe insisted, smiling. “We’re definitely going to do something.” It wouldn’t be so hard to rustle up his friends to come out to have dinner and a few drinks. They could even set up in the hangar, since they probably wouldn’t all fit in the house.

“Okay,” Ben mumbled, a concession.

They went back to their food, Han telling them about his latest near-miss with a cartel and Kes shaking his head at him. Everyone helped to clean up the dishes, Poe washing them and Ben and Han drying. Han used a towel, but Ben used the Force to draw the water away and into a hovering ball by his side.

“Neat trick,” said Kes. “What do you plan to do with that water, though? You’d better not dump it on someone.”

Ben laughed and, with a gesture, dropped the ball into the sink with a splash that hit the front of Poe’s shirt.

“Hey!” Poe cried.

“Sorry,” said Ben, even if he didn’t mean it.

Han had to leave not so long after, and Kes, Poe, and Ben walked with him to the _Falcon_. He gave them each a tight hug, lingering with Ben. “See you in a couple of weeks to pick you up, kid,” he said.

“Bye, Dad,” said Ben.

The discharge from the engines blew warm air over the three of them as Han took off with his old ship. Kes took both Ben and Poe by the arm—he was too short to put his arms around their shoulders—and said, “Now that the swindler is gone, you two want to play a couple of rounds of cards before we turn in?”

Poe grinned. “Sure thing, Dad.”

Ben, ever his father’s son, beat them squarely three times, until both Damerons folded for the last time.

“Have mercy,” said Kes with a sigh.

“That’s too much to ask, I’m afraid,” Poe chuckled. “Ben Solo loves to win.”

Ben grinned, if a little sheepishly.

Stifling a yawn, Kes got up from the table. “Well, Ben, I had Poe clean up his room for you.”

“What?” Ben asked. “But I usually sleep on the sofa.”

“You’re too big for that now,” said Poe. “I’m a little more compact. I’ll sleep there while you’re here. My bed’s all yours.” It wasn’t ideal, but Poe liked the thought of Ben in his bed more than he should have.

“Okay, then,” said Ben. “I’ll just brush my teeth and get changed.” To Poe: “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Poe and Kes waited while Ben occupied the single refresher, making up a bed with a sheet on the sofa.

“Ben’s sprouted up like a sapling,” Kes said as he tucked the edge of the sheet under the sofa cushion. “I hardly would have recognized him if I’d met him on the street. Good-looking, too. Bet he’s at the temple breaking hearts left and right.”

“I don’t think so, Dad,” said Poe. “He’s not really that kind.”

At least that wasn’t the Ben Poe had known for all of his life. And, to be honest, Poe didn’t much like the idea of Ben finding all the temple’s dark corners and sneaking people into them. Poe imagined him with a young man, but he realized he didn’t know whether Ben preferred them or girls; they had never once talked about that kind of thing.

Kes chuckled. “Why not?”

Poe pursed his lips, stalling before he replied. “I don’t know. He’s just...not like that.”

“People change. They grow up. Hormones—”

Poe cut him off: “ _Okay,_ that’s more than enough to that, Dad.”

Shrugging, Kes said, “Fine, fine.”

Ben came out of the ‘fresher a few minutes later, his face washed. Kes passed him by on his own way in to get ready for bed, leaving him with Poe.

“You sure you’re okay sleeping out here?” Ben asked.

“It’s no problem,” Poe replied. It left his mouth too fast and without thought: “Unless you feel like sharing.”

Ben’s color rose, even the tips of his ears reddening, and he wouldn’t meet Poe’s eyes. Poe paused to take him in, surprised that he didn’t immediately dismiss the idea, but was instead embarrassed by it. Poe couldn’t miss the implication of that: he was actually thinking about it.

“Just a joke,” Poe said. “I’m not serious.”

“Oh, right,” said Ben. He tried a feeble laugh. “Sure. I knew you were kidding.” Still, he was beet red.

Poe shifted his weight, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his trousers. “Anyway, go get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning. We can go out to the cliff. You know the one.”

Ben smiled, close-lipped. “I’d like that.” He backed away a step, waved with some uncertainty, and then said, “Goodnight.”

“‘Night,” said Poe. Sighing, he sat down on the sofa and put the image of Ben nestled in his bed out of his mind.

 

* * *

 

The morning brought a square of light from the window cutting right across Poe’s face. He lay on a flat pillow on the sofa. Pulling the blanket up didn’t do much to block the light. With a groan, he rolled onto his feet and snuck quietly into the kitchen, past his father’s closed bedroom door and Ben’s, too. He brewed fresh caf and only poured himself a half a cup before securing the rest in a thermal cylinder to take to the cliff when Ben woke up. He packed some flatbread and fruit and butter into a satchel, which he sat on the counter. Taking his caf, he went to the front door and opened it to let in the morning’s heavy air.

Ben, whom he had thought asleep, was under the Force tree with his blue lightsaber ignited, working through some kind of drill. His chest and feet were bare, his tan trousers tight around his waist. Back to the house, he didn’t at first notice Poe’s presence as he watched him swing the saber in elegant and deadly arcs. As Poe took a sip of his caf, he stilled mid-motion, and then retracted the blade.

“Morning,” he said, turning.

Poe raised his mug in salute. “You’re up early.”

“I don’t sleep as much as I used to,” Ben said. “I usually get up around sunrise to train.” He held the saber carefully balanced on his palm. “It’s when Luke can’t see me with my saber.”

Poe approached him in measured steps. “He really disapproves of your weapons training that much? He can’t think you’re going to hurt someone.” A pause. “Can he?”

Ben’s shoulders curled in, as if to make himself smaller. “I honestly don’t know. He doesn’t talk to me like he did when I was little. He doesn’t understand me.”

“I think that’s what everyone can say around your age,” Poe said with a crooked smile. “It’s just how it is.”

“I’m not being a teenager,” Ben grumbled. “I really don’t think he sees me for the kind of person I am, or the kind of Jedi I’m going to be. It’s not...the kind he wants.”

Poe came up next to him, asking, “What’s that, then?”

Ben shook his head. “It’s complicated. I don’t really want to talk about it. Can we just go in?”

“Sure,” said Poe. “I’ve got breakfast all packed up for us so we can go to the cliff. You, uh, want to put a shirt on?”

Wide-eyed, Ben seemed to just realize that he was half-naked. “Oh! Um, yeah, that would be good.”

Poe suppressed a laugh and spun on his heel to go into the house again. He washed his mug and gathered up the provisions while Ben dressed and put on his boots. Together, they headed to the hangar, where a small Springer-UL transport was waiting. Kes and Poe used it when they had to travel to another city planetside. It had hyperspace capacity, but they hadn’t left Yavin in maybe five years. Poe opened the airlock door of the snub-nosed ship, but Ben charged past him and into the cockpit, taking up the pilot’s seat.

“Who said you’re in charge here?” Poe asked, wry, as he took the seat next to Ben.

Ben shot him a smug look, both hands on the yoke already. “You said I’d get to fly while I’m here, so here I am, flying. And I still remember how to get to the cliff.”

“Okay,” said Poe. “Take us out, then.”

The Springer shuddered as its engines started, but left the hangar smoothly under Ben’s guidance. Once they were clear, he hit the thrusters and Poe was slammed back into his seat, nearly knocking the air out of him.

“Hells!” he cried. “Do you have to fly like you just stole it?”

Ben laughed heartily and freely, coming alive at the helm, and Poe forgave him.

They hurtled across the sky over the jungle, with a view of Benshi City to starboard. There was a haze of morning cloud around the tops of the tallest buildings, but it would soon burn off as the day matured. Poe watched the scenery go by as Ben flew, his friend grinning from ear to ear.

The cliff they had laid claim to years ago stood two hundred meters above a shallow and rocky riverbed. It was grassy at the top, and comfortable to sit on. Ben set the ship down thirty meters from the edge and killed the engines. All went silent for the moment before they were getting out of their seats. Their footsteps echoed on durasteel as they went to the airlock and piled out onto the grass. Poe led the way to the edge of the cliff and dropped the satchel before he sat down cross-legged. Ben sank down at his side.

“I’m starving,” Ben said, reaching for the satchel.

Poe smacked his hand away. “You’re always starving. You put away five tamales last night.”

Ben shrugged.

Poe pulled out some bread and fruit and tossed it over to him, keeping the butter for his own bread—after he had poured the caf.

A light wind blew across the cliff, making the soft grass wave and ruffling Poe’s hair. Ben’s was tied back again.

“Why did you grow your hair out if you just pull it up all the time anyway?” Poe asked between bites of bread.

Ben swallowed the chunk of fruit he had been chewing. “It covers my ears,” he replied.

“You’ve never had a problem with them before,” said Poe.

“They’re big, and awkward. This hides them.”

“Oh, vanity,” Poe laughed.

Ben shoved his shoulder. “Please. You still carry a comb in your jacket pocket. And somehow you’ve always got that perfect shadow on your chin.” He rubbed his own. “I can barely grow a beard.”

“You shouldn’t,” Poe told him. “You look better clean-shaven.”

“What do you know about it?” Ben asked, almost sharp.

Poe raised his brows. “You just said yourself that I’m good at keeping up my appearance. You think I don’t have an opinion about yours?”

Ben tore at his bread, tossing a piece toward a curious flying squirrel that had been eyeing their picnic since they had arrived. “I mean...why are you looking? Why do you care?”

“You don’t want me to look at you?” Poe asked. He was still teasing somewhat, but Ben’s sobriety confounded him.

“No,” Ben said. “I mean, yes! I mean, I do want you to look. But...what difference does it make? Do you”—he turned his face up to look at Poe properly—“want me to look good?”

Poe, baffled, studied him. Ben’s questions didn’t make much sense, as if he was trying to find the right words and failing quite spectacularly. He ventured a reply: “Well, sure, I want you to look good. The Jedi getup works for you, but we could do better.”

“Oh,” Ben murmured, clearly disappointed.

“Hey,” Poe said, tapping his knee to get his attention. “Are you trying to look good for someone? Back home at the temple?”

Ben’s face colored again, but he said, “No.”

Poe sat back on his hands, considering. “You sure about that? I know you, Benny, and I’ve never seen you blush like this.”

“I’m not—” Ben tried, but cut himself off, knowing he couldn’t deny it. He exhaled heavily. “It’s not anybody there. Forget I even brought it up.”

“You didn’t,” said Poe. “I did. Your hair, remember?” Reaching up, he tugged on one of Ben’s half-exposed ears. “And these. There’s nothing wrong with them, you know.”

Ben pressed his lips together, unspeaking.

Poe gave his ear another gentle pull. “Can I ask you something?”

“Okay” was the uncertain reply.

“Have you ever had a thing for someone?” Poe snorted. “Sounds stupid when you put it like that. But you know what I mean.”

Ben was looking down again, picking at the grass. “Yeah.”

Poe want to see his face, but he didn’t urge him to turn his eyes up. “Girl?”

Ben shook his head.

“Oh, okay,” said Poe. “Well, you know that’s my thing, too. You’re not...upset about it, are you?”

“It’s fine,” said Ben. “Nobody cares either way. I got the talk from my mom about it when I was twelve. She said whatever I want is fine.”

Poe was relieved at that. He figured Han and Leia would have accepted Ben no matter who he brought home, but he was glad to hear it aloud. “Well, have you done anything about it?”

Ben did look up then, seemingly startled.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no,’ then,” Poe said. “Why not?”

“I’m scared,” Ben replied in a rush. “It could ruin a lot of things if he doesn’t like me back.”

Poe sighed. “I can relate to that. I’m, uh, in a bit of a bind like that myself.”

Ben peered over at him. “Really? _You_?”

“Yeah, me,” Poe laughed. “You give me a lot more credit than I deserve, Ben. I’ve been with a few people, but it’s not like I’m out there”—he used his father’s phrasing—“breaking hearts left and right.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Ben. “But...who are you interested in but can’t, you know, pursue? One of your friends?”

Poe had to tread carefully here. He wasn’t sure he was ready to admit right now that it was Ben; the timing wasn’t right. Ben had just gotten here and, while he had admitted his preferences, Poe couldn’t just jump on him with a confession that he’d been a regular feature in his dreams for three years.

“Yeah, a friend,” Poe said. “We’re really close, but being together would be...complicated. And I have no idea if he thinks of me the same way. It would be a risk to find out.”

Ben nodded gravely. “Yeah. Would you ever chance it, though? Because maybe he _does_ think of you like that and he’s just afraid to say anything, too.” His expression was open and hopeful, which warmed Poe’s chest.

“Maybe,” Poe replied. “But not today.”

They finished their breakfast, the subject turning to ship maintenance. It was innocuous enough that Poe relaxed and felt the familiar camaraderie between them: the friendship that never wavered despite being apart most of the time. They just picked up right where they left off every summer, right here.

“So,” said Poe as he was packing up their food, “what else do you want to do today? We could fly; we could wander in the jungle; we could go into the city. Whatever you want to do.”

Ben was lying on his back in the grass, head turned to look at Poe seated beside him. “I’m up for anything, as long as you’re there.”

Poe grinned. “I’ll be there, wherever you want me.”

 

* * *

 

Poe’s father always said that flying with him or his mother had been harrowing. They were showmen, daring and craving high speeds and sharp turns. Poe flew politely when they were together, but when he was in his X-wing alone, he gave it everything he thought the old bird could handle. Now, he dove down toward the sunlit ocean and inverted so he could see the waves. The very tips of his wings, he was sure, were mere centimeters above them.

“Show off,” Ben said over their shared comm frequency. “I’m not doing that.”

Poe engaged the thrusters and soared up with enough clearance to right himself. “Don’t want to...or _can’t_?” he taunted. With a glance to port, he saw Ben, in his own starfighter, flying close by.

They had spent the last three days tuning it up to make sure it was in top form for hard, long-distance flying. The plan wasn’t necessarily to fly around Yavin completely, but they wanted to explore the wide oceans and see all of the continent they could. BB-8 had been disappointed to be left at home, but Ben didn’t have a droid of his own to fly with and the pilot didn’t need one when he wasn’t in active combat.

Poe could only dream of that, but he’d been doing so more and more often lately. He was getting restless working in the shipyard and staying planetside. Surreptitiously, he had been looking up the entrance requirements for the New Republic Defense Fleet. His father had expressed how important it was that they could live a life untainted by war and with that implied that Poe should never pursue a military career, but that had been Kes’s path; he wasn’t in a place to tell Poe what to do.

“Oh, I _could_ ,” Ben said, tipping his wing dangerously close to Poe’s, “but I’d rather race you back to the hangar. You think you can take me?”

Poe grinned to himself. “I absolutely can, and you know it. You sure you want to do this?”

“Count it off.”

They corrected their course to a heading that would take them home, bringing themselves abreast at a low speed. Poe gave a steady countdown to one, hitting the thrusters hard as soon as he reached it. Both his and Ben’s starfighters shot forward, their engines at high—if not maximum—power. Out of concerned habit, Poe watched the temperature gauge for the warning that the capacitors were overheating. His X-wing was prone to it if he pushed it too hard, though he hoped the calibrations he and BB-8 had done would keep the bird in the air at least until Poe won this race.

Together, they tore across the sky, leaving a trail of condensed air in their wake, spiraling as they did barrel rolls through the spotty cloud cover. Euphoria was exactly this feeling, Poe knew: untethered command of the air and, maybe someday, of the starscape beyond the atmosphere. Poe was so caught up in it that he didn’t immediately notice the warning light on his console. Only when the beeping started did he look down, joy fading.

“Kriff,” he said, forced to slow his fighter.

“What it is?” Ben asked. He had brought his speed down, too, having noticed that Poe was lagging behind.

“Coolant leak,” Poe replied forlornly. “I knew the tubing was getting old. I should have replaced it months ago, but I couldn’t find the right parts.”

“Not even at the shipyard? There’s always scrap there, right?”

Poe tapped a few commands into his console to divert some of the X-wing’s energy and keep the engine cool. “Not for a ship like this. I’d probably have to order something from off-planet, and they don’t pay me that well.” He leaned his helmet against the headrest behind him. “Looks like you win the race.”

Ben drew up next to him, and they made eye contact through the transparisteel of their cockpit viewports. “Technical failures don’t count. It’s a draw for now. We’ll get the parts and then settle this for good.”

“‘For good,’” Poe parroted. “Keep dreaming, Benny.”

They arrived back at the hangar fifteen minutes later, both of them steering their fighters into their appointed places before powering them down. Poe popped the cockpit seal and got out, hanging off of the side to lower himself to his feet; there was no one to bring him a ladder. When he hit the ground, his knees took the worst of the impact, and he winced.

Ben came around from the side, carrying his black helmet under his arm, his flight suit already unzipped down to his waist. He had on a white t-shirt under it, which Poe suspected was a size too small.

Poe pulled off his own helmet, finger-combing his hair to put it to rights. Ben wasn’t completely wrong about his vanity. He reached up to pat the nose of his X-wing. “She’s falling to pieces these days. I don’t know how much longer I can keep her running.”

“I can have a look at it,” Ben said. He chewed his cheek. “But you’re probably better than me at it, anyway.”

“We just need the parts,” said Poe. “I’ll see if I can call in any favors with someone who’s traded something interplanetary.” He scratched his chin. “Hey, you think maybe Han could get something for me?”

Ben replied, “Maybe. I can talk to him about it.”

Poe nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Ben.”

A small changing room had been built off the main hangar to provide Poe and Kes a place to keep their flight suits stored and clean while they weren’t using them. Ben’s had been there too, but when he had tried to put it on that morning before they had left, it had proven to be far too tight on him. They had had to scrounge up a used one in a hidden footlocker; fortunately, it had fit well enough.

Their day-to-day clothes were hanging from hooks on the wall when they entered the little room, and Poe went straight to his. He unzipped the flight suit and shucked it, leaving him in his fitting undershorts and a red t-shirt. It felt undeniably good to get out of the stifling suit. He stretched his shoulders and back, popping the joints in his neck as he rolled it. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Ben was standing across from him—also undressed down to his underthings—and blatantly staring. Poe, caught off guard, froze.

Ben, too, was still, but his gaze darted up and down Poe’s body, from his dark-haired legs to his neck and face. Poe stood for his appraisal, unable to do much else. It was done frankly and with, if Poe wasn’t mistaken, some measure of hunger. Ben was so intent that it made his skin tingle with awareness.

“Ben?” he asked, a sight more hushed than he might have intended.

The sound of his name seemed to startle Ben awake and he quickly turned away to fuss with hanging the flight suit up and then fumbling to get his trousers on.

Poe stood and watched his frantic struggle to dress for a moment before he set to putting on his own clothes. He hadn’t been imagining Ben’s interest in his body, which stirred him considerably. It was surely too long a shot to think that Ben had been talking about _him_ that morning on the cliff three days ago—wasn’t it? He tried to think of something to say that might clear things up, but nothing good came to mind other than asking him outright, which he couldn’t do. Ben was clearly spooked now, and Poe didn’t want to make things even worse for him. Whatever was going on in his head, it clearly wasn’t easy for him to process; Poe would respect that and leave off of him.

Changed, they left the hangar to find something cold to drink. Poe produced two bottles of juice from the kitchen, which they took to the Force tree. Sitting under it side-by-side, they leaned against the thick trunk.

“So,” Ben said after a moment, “do you want to go into the city tomorrow and see if we can find the right parts for your fighter? I’d like to see the shipyard where you work.”

“I guess we could do that,” Poe replied. He took a sip of his juice, the flavor tart on his tongue. “I don’t know what we’ll find, but it’s worth a shot. Not much to see at work, though.”

“Still,” said Ben. “I’d like to go. I haven’t been to a real city since the last time I went to visit my mother on Chandrila, and that was four years ago.”

Poe shifted to get a good look at him. “It’s been that long? I thought you visited every year.”

Ben shook his head. “Here is the only place I come, now. Chandrila doesn’t have much for me. I don’t want to follow Mom around the Senate all day. I’m not going to be a politician.”

“I can’t see you as one,” Poe said. “I wouldn’t want to do it, either. Too much scheming and backstabbing.”

“I know,” said Ben. “And you think my dad’s job is bad when it comes to dealing with the scum of the galaxy.”

Poe chuckled. “You’re not much like either of them, to be honest. And you’re not like your uncle, either.” He stirred the juice around in his bottle. “I think that’s a good thing. You’re going to be something different than all of them. I’m a little more molded by my parents.”

Ben curled one long leg under himself, facing Poe. “What do you mean?”

“I, ah…” Poe hesitated, but then decided that if he could trust anyone with his secrets, it was Ben. “I’ve been considering getting off-planet.”

“Really?” Ben asked, dark brows raised. “And going where?”

“To flight training for the New Republic Defense Fleet.”

“To be a fighter pilot?”

Poe nodded.

“That’s an amazing idea!” Ben exclaimed. “You’d be perfect for it.”

Poe offered a wan smile. “It would be following in my mother’s footsteps.”

Ben said, “Yeah, and I bet she’d be proud of you.”

“I hope she would be,” Poe said. “I’m just not cut out to stay here forever, you know? I can’t spend my life fixing up old ships and not flying my own.”

Ben reached a hand over and brushed it lightly against Poe’s thigh. He shivered, surprised.

“You should do it,” Ben said. “I would go with you if I could. We could fly in the same squadron like my uncle and his friends during the war.”

“You have bigger things to do,” said Poe. “You’re going to be a Jedi master who can move whole ships with your mind. Flying is small potatoes.”

Ben squeezed his knee. “Not if you’re doing it. Have you told your dad?”

“No. I don’t think he’ll like it.”

“He doesn’t have to,” said Ben. “You have to do what _you_ need. If that’s getting off of Yavin to fly, then that’s what you have to do.” He let out a breath through his nose. “But I guess I wouldn’t see you in the summers anymore.”

Poe hadn’t thought about that, but he likely wouldn’t get three or four weeks of leave from the fleet for it.

Ben looked hard at him. “That doesn’t matter. You should be a pilot. You’re perfect for it.”

“It matters,” said Poe. “ _You_ matter.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open and Poe, pressing on while he still had the courage, took his hand.

“I really care about you,” Poe said. “I always have, and I always will. Losing this would be one of the hardest things I’d ever have to do.”

He was searching for something else to say, a more straightforward confession, but Ben silenced him by leaning across and landing an unschooled, closed-mouth kiss on his lips. It was over as quick as it had happened, though, and Ben was scrambling to his feet, dropping and spilling his bottle of juice. He gave Poe a terrified look before he turned on his heel and sprinted into the nearby jungle.

Poe couldn’t chase directly after him; he was still shocked. Ben had kissed him. Ben had _kissed him_. However, he likely thought it was a mistake, or he wouldn’t have run. Poe fell back against the Force tree. This wasn’t going as he might have planned, but the situation wasn’t unsalvageable. He’d let Ben go for now and wait until he came back; then they’d talk about it. Or, if Poe had his way, wouldn’t talk much but pick up right where they left off: with another kiss, or several.


End file.
